Choice 8: Amends – Looking Out for Others

“Making things right is not about finding peace for yourself. It’s about giving peace to others.”

Up until now, much of this journey has been internally facing—yourself, accepting your past, releasing burdens, and learning to live as a changed person. But real transformation is never just about you.

Now, it’s time to step outside of yourself and look at the damage left behind.

Addiction doesn’t just affect the person who carries it—it ripples out, touching the lives of friends, family, and even strangers in ways we often don’t fully realize.

That’s why Choice Eight is one of the most difficult—and one of the most powerful.
This is where you take responsibility not just in your heart, but in action.
This is where you say, “I hurt you, and I want to make it right.”

Why This Matters

There is a dangerous trap in making amends—one that many fall into without realizing it.
Too often, people see this choice as a way to relieve their own guilt—to apologize so that they can feel better.

But this choice is not about you.

It is about the person you wronged.
It is about acknowledging the pain they endured because of your actions.
It is about giving them the chance to decide what to do with your apology.
It is about making things right for their sake—not yours.

This means that you cannot expect a perfect resolution.

Some people will forgive you instantly.
Some will need time.
Some may never forgive you at all.

That is their right.

Your job is not to force closure.
Your job is to offer the truth and accept the outcome, whatever it may be.

Who Do You Owe Amends To?

Before any action is taken, this step requires serious reflection.
It is time to make a list—a real, honest, and complete list—of every person who was hurt because of your addiction.

This includes:

Family members who suffered because of your choices
Friends who were let down, used, or abandoned
Employers or colleagues who lost trust in you
Strangers who were caught in the chaos of your worst moments

If anyone was hurt by your actions, their name belongs on this list.

And once the list is made, you must be willing to face them.
This is not about dwelling on the past or beating yourself up.
This is about owning what was done and choosing to set things right.

Even if it’s difficult.
Even if it’s uncomfortable.
Even if you don’t want to.

how to Approach Amends

Not all amends can be made in the same way.

For some people, a direct, face-to-face apology is needed.
For others, a letter may be more appropriate.
In some cases, making amends is about actions more than words—proving through behavior that you are different.

There are three types of amends, and knowing the difference is important:

1. Direct Amends

This is the hardest and most powerful form—where you go to the person directly, acknowledge what you did, and ask how you can make it right.

This is not about defending yourself or explaining why you did what you did. It is simply about saying:

“I know I hurt you. I was wrong. I am here to take responsibility.”

It’s up to them what happens next.
They may accept it.
They may reject it.
They may need time.

Your role is simply to offer the amends and respect their choice.

2. Indirect Amends

Sometimes, the people we hurt are no longer in our lives—or the situation makes direct amends impossible.

In these cases, you must still find a way to make things right. This could mean:

Making a donation in their name
Writing a letter you never send
Doing good for others as a way to repay the harm caused

The universe will always find a way for you to balance the scales—even if the person is not there to hear your apology.

3. Living Amends

Sometimes, words are not enough.

Some people don’t want to hear an apology
Some people don’t trust words anymore
Some people need proof that you have changed

In these cases, the best amends you can make is to live differently.
To show, through your actions, that you are not the person you used to be.

That means:

Following through on commitments
Being honest where you once lied
Giving back instead of taking
Showing up where you once disappeared

This is not a quick process. It is a lifelong commitment to integrity.

What If Amends Don’t Go as Planned?

Not everyone will be ready to forgive.
Some may still be angry.
Some may refuse to even speak with you.
Some may have moved on completely.

This can be painful, but it must be accepted.
You cannot force someone to forgive you.
You cannot rewrite the past.

All you can do is own your part, take responsibility, and let go of the outcome.
The act of making amends is the healing.

Even if the person never accepts it, you have done your part.
And if you do this choice right, you will know that you have given what you owe—

Without expectation
Without selfishness
Without anything left unsaid

That is where peace comes from.

Final Words on Choice Eight: The Doorway to healing

This is the choice where you step fully into responsibility.

Not because you want to feel better
Not because you need validation
But because it is the right thing to do

You will not get perfect endings.
You will not undo the past.

But you can bring truth, accountability, and restoration where it is possible.
And even where it is not, you can live in a way that honors those you have wronged.

This is what real freedom looks like.

Because when we make things right, we no longer have to run.
And when we no longer have to run, we are finally free.